How do you know when a guy is hitting on you?

17 Mar

Dear Losers

How do you know when a guy is hitting on you?

Phoebe, 17

Hi?

You know when you’re in a crowd and someone is waving in your direction and you can’t tell if they’re waving at you? And you don’t want to wave back (for fear of looking like a loser if they aren’t waving at you), but you don’t want to not wave back (for fear of looking like a loser if they are waving at you)? So you do the frantic back and forth, trying to assess the situation. And then you give them a creepy half smile because you STILL can’t tell?

My point is, like an uncertain wave, it’s hard to tell when a boy is hitting on you.  We all have friends that are The Girl Who Cried Hit On Me. You know, the girl that is always throwing around the phrase, Ugh and he was totally hitting on me! And you think to yourself what does that mean? Did he ask you out? Tell you you looked pretty? Offer you a lint roller?

Then you find out it was Johnny. Really? I mean I caught that guy winking at a wall the other day. But okay, whatever you say.

So you think to yourself, I don’t want to be that girl. And then you are Overcautious Odette.

The problem is, people use the term differently. Some girls use the term loosely, and will say a guy was hitting on her when he flirted with her, stared at her boobs, or just asked to copy her homework. That’s fine. To each her own. I mean,  I wouldn’t go running through the streets like Paul Revere saying that person hit on me.

Everybody wake up! Someone just hit on me!

But that’s just me.

I think it’s  best to use the term cautiously.  As in, someone is hitting on someone when they ask them out or showed interest in asking them out.  If it’s too fuzzy than you can file it under, Maybe he’s hitting on me, Maybe he’s just a flirty person, or Maybe he’s just European category.

I’ve had guys I thought were maybe hitting on me, only to find out they are totally in love with their girlfriend. Or boyfriend!

I wish there was a Judge Judy for all things dating related. And she could rule whether the defendant was hitting on the plaintiff or just really needed a cup of sugar.

You hit on her! Case dismissed!

Yes we’ve all had to ponder what a guy really thinks about us. Sometimes what’s crystal clear to the guy is ambiguous to us girls. In our defense, every guy has a different approach. There are the passive, timid guys who are shy and subtle in their approach and then there are the obnoxious, offensive guys who try to shout a holler on the street.  And, ps what do guys think they’re going to get out of a sleazy cat call?

He had me at, Heeeyy girrl. Then he whistled. We’ve been together ever since!

I think not.

So how can you tell?

Well, I think it’s pretty safe to say the obnoxious guy who cat calls you off the street is probably not really as into you as he is into acting like a fool. If a guy is really interested, he’ll make it known. He’ll ask you to hang out one on one, or make an effort to find out more about you and what your interests are; if you’re Team Edward or Team Jacob, or if you prefer CSI Las Vegas or CSI Miami.

But if you are an analytical, and not arrogant person, it may be something that confuses you your whole life. I find it utterly perplexing. Just when I think I know a guy’s intentions, or lack thereof I often realize I am completely wrong.  Let me give you two examples. I invite you to play along.

1. I was driving to a charity event, and I was all dressed up. I won’t lie. I was feeling pret-ty good about my myself.  But I got stuck in traffic. So I decided to make a phone call to pass the time. ( It was legal back then, okay?) I’m chatting it up, having a grand ole time, when I notice a guy signaling for me to roll my window down.

Now, please know that I really try to be polite to all people, even tools, and I do not assume everyone with manparts is hitting on me. Quite the opposite actually. So normally, I would roll down the window and chat it up with some weirdo to be nice.

But I was in the middle of something and I thought, You know what?  No more Mrs. Nice Guy. Why should I drop everything I’m doing just to be on the receiving end of some impersonal, poorly-crafted pick- up line?  I’m going to stand up for myself and all the women in the world that deal with these creeps! Creeps that disturb women who are just trying to innocently talk and drive!

So, I conjured up the best bitch impression I could, pointed to my phone ( a pink Razr no less), and mouthed, “Sorry”, in the most stereotypical and condescending LA bimbo way possible. And he drove off.

Success! This behavior was so unlike me, but I was sort of enjoying it! I thought, Wow, I should do this more often! It’s fun, yet also effective. I continued to bask in my glory (and mastery of the male race) when two minutes later, another guy drove up and signaled for me to roll my window down.

Uh-oh.

I had a bad feeling. I mean I looked kinda nice, but it certainly wasn’t two hit-ons in two minutes kind of nice. So I decided to roll down my window, only to hear the guy yell,

You’ve got a flat tire!

Well.

That’s just great. Now not only did I have a flat tire, but I had a deflated ego! How mortifying! That first guy must have  laughed all the way up the 405 and maybe even to the 10 to the 110.

He must have thought, Eh screw it. Why should I go out of my way to help some conceited brat with an ugly pink razr that thinks every good samaritan is hitting on them?!

And who could blame him?

Verdict: Not hit on.

P.S. Why do only guys notice flat tires?

2. Me and my college roommate went to Subway pretty regularly and ordered the value meal. A duh.

Once, on our way home, I noticed they forgot a crucial part of the meal. Like a hungry person who didn’t receive the sweet and sour sauce for her chicken nuggets, I was pissed. My meal was ruined! I turned to Carrie, and  like a starving monster yelled,

THEY FORGOT OUR ^#*^$*@! COOKIES!!!!

She looked extremely confused. Oh great, I thought. You got your cookie and I didn’t! Well that’s just wonderful!!

Instead she said, Um, what cookies?

And I said, Um, hellooooooooo the ones that comes with the value meal?

And then she burst out laughing.

You mean those cookies we got last week? That doesn’t come with the meal. Those guys were hitting on us.

Well, slap me upside the head and steal my cookie! How was I supposed to know?!?!

Verdict: Hit on. Well according to her, anyway. I’d say they were flirting with us, or just had left over cookies.

Hopefully you will fare better in similar situations. It’s a confusing world, ladies. But even the shyest guy will make his feelings known if he is really interested in you. Don’t be Oblivious Olivia. Females are intuitive by nature so if you’re sensing signals you’re probably right. And you friends will step in and set you straight if you are being too oblivious or modest.

But don’t go crying He hit on me! too early.

You might want to check your tires first.

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13 Responses to “How do you know when a guy is hitting on you?”

  1. Don March 18, 2011 at 2:16 pm #

    Love both stories at the end – love them! Meanwhile, not that my FA needs another cookie but just saying that it did….where was that Subway? :)

  2. Valerie March 19, 2011 at 5:21 pm #

    I absolutely love this. And it is SO difficult to tell if you’re being hit on or not, or even if someone is interested. (Definitely trying to figure out a certain situation in my own life!) But your article was great and totally relatable… definitely made me smile!

  3. Stop Being a Loser March 20, 2011 at 9:02 pm #

    Hi Valerie, I’m glad to hear you relate! It’s confusing out there, right? Thanks for reading and commenting!! You’re awesome.

  4. tinkerbelle86 March 24, 2011 at 6:22 am #

    such a brilliant post its so true, the worst is when you think someone is smiling at you and they are smiling at the person behind you. fail!!

  5. Stop Being a Loser March 25, 2011 at 9:51 am #

    Hi Laura! I know right? Or when you’re standing with someone, and someone comes up and says, “Cute dress!” And you say, “Thanks!” And they say, “Oh, I was talking about her dress. But yours is cute too!” Super fail.

    Thanks for reading!

  6. Jessica March 26, 2011 at 9:38 am #

    LOVE this post! It truly shows how confusing it could be. When you think a guy is hitting on you (like your flat tire story) you end up being totally wrong about it, but when a guy is ACTUALLY hitting on you (your subway cookie story) you don’t even realize it! hahaha Hilarious!

  7. silencio9 August 8, 2011 at 4:06 am #

    WTF! Did I just step into an alternate reality vortex to find somebody actually acknowledging that the phrase “hit on” is ambiguous to no end? And by a woman no less? Shock and confusion. I’ve never been able to tell what women mean when they say they have been hit on, or that they get hit on all the time, and this is a very validating proof that I am not stupid or crazy.

    Once I was at a party that my sister invited me to to and I try to say something about the Pink Floyd song to these two girls, They both gave me this look that seemed to say, “typical guy hitting on me” so after I got shut down, I just went on listening to the song. After the party my sister told me that she would never invite me to another party because I was “hitting on all her friends”. Well those two girls were the only girls I spoke with that night, I was pretty teed-off and felt like those girls were pretty spiteful and unfair toward me.

    Until this post i’ve never felt that women ever questioned the use of this term. It always seemed like the term is used to garner instant unquestioning sympathy for the girl and derision for the guy who is supposedly doing the “hitting on.”

    I used to think that the phrase always referred to a guy who was trying to get a one night stand, since how else could the term be used with such derision? But now I don’t know and I am still VERY confused about the expression, but it is good to see that someone else agrees that the phrase is thrown around way to much.

    I eat fast food all the time and it seems like I get free stuff practically ever other day and I’m a guy. Maybe those guys were just being nice. And if they were “hitting on” you I don’t think it means they were trying to get into your pants.

  8. Anonymous November 16, 2011 at 9:28 am #

    This post is fricken awesome !!! I love it.

  9. Stop Being a Loser November 16, 2011 at 12:31 pm #

    Thank you! You’re fricken awesome! Please come visit us again. :)

  10. Larper December 14, 2011 at 5:20 pm #

    I love this post!!
    It’s so true!
    My problem is, I try to be level with everybody I talk to, but the d-bags keep coming back, not flitatiously but you know who and what they are. It’s getting harder to not yell at them “Stop trying to chat me up you git” everytime they tell me I “look nice today” or “your names ____ right? “. I guess levelness is the best way to deal with them though -___- it’s just getting harder to stay calm I guess.

  11. Stop Being a Loser December 14, 2011 at 5:45 pm #

    Haha! I completely understand. Sometimes you want to snap at those guys, but then you don’t want to be the girl that snaps at any poor guy that hits on her. But some of them are tools and really rude!

  12. Anonymous December 29, 2011 at 1:28 am #

    you are hilarious best blog i have read in a while! much love

  13. Stop Being a Loser December 30, 2011 at 6:00 pm #

    Thanks so much! Stop by again sometime! :)

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